Visual Trigger

I found a picture of my family in a Christmas celebration in 1992. It was the second Christmas i had celebrated.

It reminded me of my family and our life. This is the resulting story.

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Evan gasped as the Christmas lights went up, brightening the shadows of his old attap house. Evan was born and raised in the outskirts of Russia, a country torn by war and pain for the last century. It was one year after Gorbachev had steped down as the President of Russia. The former USSR was where Evan had his memories, good and bad. He lay by the tree as he began to think of his father. He had a chiseled face, deep blue eyes and soft brown hair that was kept neatly.

“Mummy? Where is Daddy now?”

“I told you! Do not ask me where your father is!!”

He was told that Joseph, his father, had run away with another woman and that she took all their money away together with him. He was told that the reason their family was staying in the slums was because of that wretched woman. He had never seen his mother so angry, not until she talked about his father. He knew she was upset.

It all started when Joseph had set out to venture into a new business. He had told his wife that he was going out to plan and to brainstorm for ideas with his business associates. He seemed as if he was never going to return when he left the house, as if a shadow was cast over him every time he went out, threatening to take his life away from him.

“It’s the cigarettes!They’re killing you so slowly that you don’t notice it! And if they don’t, I’ll make sure you die!” said Joseph’s wife. She had this fearful, yet irritated look upon her face.

“They are what I need!Unlike your constant nagging, these fags care for me!They make sure I do not fall sick, they give me support when I am stressed out. Do YOU?”, Joseph implied sarcastically.

“At least I don’t sleep around with other man!”. She knew what Joseph was discussing at those ‘meetings’.

With tears of sorrow in her eyes, Lena tore herself out of the room, not wanting to start an argument with Joseph. Evan had seen everything. The fight. The quarrel. Whatever you might call it, Evan had seen it. He had witnessed the emotion of his mother and father being shoved down his throat in the wrath of an argument. This gave him the chills and prompted him to hug his teddy bear. It was meant to be the Christmas morning  he had dreamed for. Not today Evan, not ever.

Evan groaned across the hall as hunger panged. The thought and sight of his mother’s cooking stirred his stomach to growl with great intent, creating a myriad of harmonies, all conforming to the direction of his internal conductor. It was in perfect timing that he had walked into the kitchen. All he had in his mind was the succulent , juicy and extremely huge turkey. The oil and butter that flowed down the back of the beast. It was too overwhelming to be given a shunt.

Evan was looking for his mother to bring him some food. He eventually shouted out for her as he got hungrier. His mother was no where in sight. She had disappeared, as if she were a ghost. Then it struck Evan. His mother had left! He frantically searched the kitchen, hoping to find signs of his mother, the one he had loved so much. No sign Evan, never was, and never will be.

He had lost his mother. The mother that gave birth to him, the mother whom he had fed on, the mother who said that’ll she never leave the family no matter how difficult the situation was.

His father came into the room. He just said one thing.

“I am going away and I’m never coming back. Not until your mother is dead”. There was no emotion, whatsoever in that one sentence. Evan had never felt so cold and alone in his whole 8 year life span.

That evening, Lena came back to the house. Lena found the house void, with Evan sitting on their couch. She had seen the fastest moving out in her life. The house was spotless, not leaving any items that belonged to Joseph. He was gone, and it felt like hell.

“Evan!Evan?!”. She cried out. “Did you see your father? Where did he go? WHERE?”

Evan’s face was blank. It had been for the last 3 hours. All he could do was to mutter the words.

“Daddy gone. Mummy gone. Daddy gone. Mummy gone.” He had been repeating these words since his father stomped out of the house, not saying a word. This was the void that an eight-year old boy should not have.

“This cannot be! He said he would not have left me! He MARRIED me! ME!ME!ME!ME!” Lena was in hysteria as she began to tear the hair off of her scalp.

“Don’t worry Evan. Mummy will take care of you. We don’t need Daddy. Daddy’s a good-for-nothing. He’s a disgrace to all man.”

All Evan could do is to visualize his mother taking him in and his father, walking towards the front lawn of their house. All he could do is hope, wish and dream.

Meanwhile, Joseph was in the house of his lover, Cortina. She lived an hour’s drive away. All the more suitable. She would never be caught. She had opened the door to a sight of a desperate man, looking for comfort in the wrong areas. What she had to offer was her sexuality and it sufficed for Joseph. All he needed was the pleasure of life. Whether it was painful or not, whether it involved having an affair or not. He had to have it. He needed it.

Joseph began to live with Cortina. He thought he had it all. He had his lover. He had his money with him. He began to think that all he had, he had done. All the achievements and accolades were part of his life. However, one thing he sorely missed, was his son. He wandered how his son would look like now. Would he have big or small eyes? Would he be able to recognize Joseph?

I shouldn’t have left them. I still love my son. Joseph was in tears by now. He had not seen his son for at least 5 years. He began to miss how his son chuckled. He began to melt. He fell on his knees and began to pound the ground. I have to get to him. I have to tell Lena that i still love her and that i still love Evan.

He rose and walked back towards the hut that he and Cortina were staying in.

Muffled strains of cough had developed in the night. Cortina heard it as clear as a crystal. The coughs began to get deeper and more violent. It lasted throughout the night. Joseph made it clear for her not to worry and go back to sleep. Cortina, being reassured, felt her eyelids grow heavier as she eventually fell into a deep slumber.

The next day, Cortina had rose up early to get the groceries from the market. As she opened her eyes, she barely saw the space in front of her. She slumped towards the bathroom and began her morning routine. As she called out to Joseph, “Joe dear!”, all she got was silence. Pin drop silence.

Joseph was lying on the bed, peacefully and with serenity in his facial expression. He had gone to a better place. He was in a pool of blood, apparently from the cough that sprang into a violent fit. What was strange though. Not a single cough he coughed the night before seemed like a cough. It was as if something, or someone, was strangling him.

Evan was in tears as he had never gotten such a bad scolding in a long time. He was merely asking where his father was. He missed him.

“It’s alright Evan, i know Daddy is in a safer place.”, said Lena. “I saw him smiling before he left”.

END.